Three Decades
In under a month, I’ll be 30 years old, which to some people — namely those who are 30 and younger, might seem old, but when you consider that a year only means one rotation around the sun, then 30 rotations doesn’t seem like a very big deal at all. And when you think about the age of the universe, 30 is even more forgettable. While thinking about turning 30, I don’t feel old, and I don’t worry as much about it as it seems other people do — or maybe that’s just a product of popular media making 30 seem like a bigger deal than it is. My greatest concern with turning 30 is not that 30 feels old itself, but that I could potentially have to do it another two times before I die — assuming that I survive to 90 (knock on wood?).
Everything that’s happened in the last 30 years encompasses my entire existence and living that much life three times over exhausts me just to think about it. I’m not despairing about the act of living itself, because life is beautiful and I’m fortunate to have this time with the people I love, but at 30 years old, I’m already fed up with the very few options that our society provides for us to experience life (i.e., wage labour under capitalism until your body is too old for work) and I don’t feel like adhering to this way of life for another 60 years — even though I know I will likely have to, unless I join the capitalist class myself (gross).
I don’t want to spend the rest of my life earning a wage for somebody else’s profit, and I don’t want to exploit others for my own personal gain either. I recognize that even in an ideal society, I would still have to contribute in some manner, because a division of labour is necessary to meet our collective needs, but I wish that people could pursue projects or commitments that they find meaningful, rather than working in jobs solely to support themselves while they don’t enjoy the work. Life is short; therefore, we should have the option to choose how we spend the finite time we are given — that is true freedom. I just want to go for walks, wander the woods, smell the air, watch the sunset, listen to the birds, feel the sun on my skin, talk with my loved ones, and enjoy to the fullest extent possible — this brief, beautiful time we are given to walk the earth together.
